You are a sexually active guy and you enjoy making love, I bet nothing’s more dreadful to you than hearing this line, “I’m not in the mood dear, not now!” Such words may ruin your entire evening, worst, totally upset. If you’re like most “faithful” men, you’ll probably pretend that you’re not disappointed and just jump into a shower without bothering to turn on the heater even if it’s winter. Quite exaggerating, but some men do this to live up the next time around thing.
Cheer up! Why not try to do something to change her mood? Do it, you have nothing to lose any way! Instead of suffering from such bad scenario over and over again, here are some ideas to help you get started.
Accept that she gets aroused differently. Unlike most men, women are difficult to seduce. Without much stimulation, it will take them longer before they get aroused especially when they get older. Most women need some romance to get into the mood. You cannot just ask your wife to have sex right after watching your favorite baseball team’s game. A woman cannot respond to something that does not connect to her at all. She needs more attention before she could respond to any sexual interest. So if you’re planning to spend some sensual evening with your lover, better give more time and set the mood.
Think and act sexy to turn her on. Have fun with each other: Sex is fun and it is just one of the best things about it. Break the ice! Add some sense of humor and enthusiasm to try something new. This can really help set the mood. This is true as to what Leslie Schover, PhD, wrote in her book, Prime Time, “Feeling closer during sex, does not necessarily depend on sentimental greeting cards or gypsy violin music. Another mood the often makes sex richer is playfulness.” Schover proposed going to shower together, having a pillow fight, or a wrestling or tickling match. Playing and giving a good laugh together is an enjoyable foreplay that usually leads to some very serious lovemaking.
Avoid or keep away from out of this world sexual proposal. Marian E. Dunn, PhD, director of the Center for Human Sexuality at the State University of New York-Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, NY, pointed out that men can sabotage themselves with rough approaches. She said, “Some men will say some king of things like, “look what I have!” or “you’re not going to let this go to waste, are you?”. She also suggested that a more effective shift could be, “I find you so attractive in the morning, the warmth of your body is so nice,” or any positive comment that could make a woman feel that it’s her he desires, not just her body."
Keep your romantic touches. Giving simple gifts makes women feel loved and this idea usually leads to the bedroom. Shiela, a 54-year-old housewife who has been married to her husband Greg for 20 years claimed that until now, she still appreciates every little thing that her husband is giving to her. “It really makes me happy! His gifts are nothing expensive, just little things that I need. I didn’t thought he observes me a lot. He is so sweet to realize my needs. He has given me cookbooks, gardening set, beautiful cooking gloves, and simple letters with sincere words of his love to me!” Shiela exclaimedand then, she smiled. See? Simple acts of showing your love and care to your partner could definitely turn her on. Such acts awaken women’s sexual drives.
Always consider the perfect timing. One major reason why women refuse sexual advances is that men ask them to have sex at the “wrong time.” Belle, 37, gladly shared that her husband of 10 years, Jon, tend to approach her when she is doing the laundry, making her designs, or when she is doing something that she could not afford to leave over sex. “But during weekends or holidays and I’m relaxed, ready and willing, he can’t stay in the house because he’s always excited to play basketball with family friends or he’s doing something on his computer that he don’t want to be disturbed”, Belle added.
An enjoyable sex happens when both partners are on the right mood. It is important for a man to be observant whether his partner could be disturbed or not before suggesting making love. Take a moment to feel if your partner is very much into her task or if she is relaxed and willing to do it. Concentrate on full-body love, not just genitals. “My wife wants to be stroked all over her body and not just her genital. Majority, if not all women, do not want the first touch to be to the breast or the genitals. “They have more body sensuality than men, which they assume as a fact because parents cuddle and touch their daughters more compared to their sons when they were still little,” proclaimed Dave, a 43-year-old man. Caressing your partner’s back, gently kissing her shoulders, or running your fingers to her hips may arouse her more compared to stroking her sex organs immediately.
Set the venue for love. Getting in the mood for sex often means feeling relaxed, at ease, and exclusive. However, adding an attractive, sensual, and romantic environment definitely enhances the effect. It could be as simple as the traditional candlelight dinner at home. No nasty, spoilers (answering machine and TV are off, children are asleep) around. Prepare a delicious meal, some glasses of wine, soft music in the background, and most of all, both of you as a couple being so much into each other.
Couples today are so busy, always on the run. Allotting a quite time together becomes a special treat, an opportunity for you to show how important she is. The setting also can be the place she loves. It could be an exclusive country inn, her favorite restaurant, or much better, a memorable place for you both. Some place that has beautiful surroundings, delicious food, and music, will surely make your lovemaking one of your most unforgettable sex experiences. This is quite expensive though, so it is up to you on how you manage your budget.
Simply ask her what puts her in the mood. If you are clueless after being with each other for such a long time and you still do not know what turns her on, then it’s your job to find out! Often, couples become unproductive for not trying to find their way out. If you observed that she is always not in the mood to make love, your best move may be to ask her exactly what puts her in the mood and what you can do to make it happen. It actually depends upon the individuality of your partner. She may like bathing or showering together or enjoy some gentle massage. Whatever it is, take a move and find out.
Show your commitment to the relationship and compliment her. Most men assume that marrying is already a commitment, but for most women, it is not enough. So you still need to show your partner your full devotion. Always tell her how she means to you and how you appreciate all she had done over the years that you were together. Never assume she is already satisfied having you around and living with her. Compliment her. Tell her how beautiful she is and always say something about her best asset- it could be her nice body, her skin, her hair, or her pretty face. It is very important to her that she is actually hearing such things from you.
Plan some special time alone. Planning a date or spending some special time together once a week or month (better) revitalizes a couple’s sex life. Choose a day that you and your partner could declare as your “special day” for the both of you. On that day, do not make commitments with your friends and children. Let them all know about your day so they will not attempt to disturb you. Tell them in a very nice way to make sure they will understand. Go out to dinner, watch movie or just stay at home and play. Sure both of you have many interest and works to do, but sexual rewards are something that both of you will not regret. Trust me, it would definitely make your bond tighter.
Never miss a single opportunity to tell her you love her. Most men forget or worst, never attempt to say it. For some women, hearing those three magic words is important to get them in the mood for sex. The line “I love you dear” might appear as a very simple line (except if you don’t mean it though) but it could definitely give a strong impact to your relationship. It is better if you make it a habit, telling your partner how much you love her, while making love, before going to work, after every phone conversation, before going to sleep, or every time you feel like telling her.
Refine your sexual techniques. You will definitely turn her off if you rush to intercourse so you can have your orgasm. Instead, take time to let her enjoy your touch, gradually arousing her desire. Make some efforts like kissing her lips, stroking her hair, tenderly touching her, etc. You may also try something new in bed. More often than not, women get bored having sex the same way repetitively. Check sexshops’ featured sex positions and learn from it to add some surprise and variety to your lovemaking.